Gender Visibility

Often people confuse gender with sex; assuming they are the same and the language in reference to each identity is interchangeable. Taking it one step further, people also have been socialized to expect one's sex/gender determines one's sexual orientation.

This is because we have been taught to operate in a binary system where there can only be two options with any identity.  We have been told, "you are either this, or you are that," i.e. you are either a boy or you are a girl.

However, in reality, a person's gendered identity exists on a spectrum. This reality applies to any identity someone has. A person can identify in any way that feels authentic to them.

The Women and Gender Center (WGC) defines gender and other affiliated terms, i.e. gender expression, sex, and sexual orientation, as follows: 

• Gender: refers to your internal sense of your gender.
• Gender Expression: refers to how you show your gendered self to the world.
• Sex: refers to something you get assigned when you’re born.
  • Does not determine gender identity.
• Sexual Orientation: refers to a ccombination of who you’re attracted to sexually or romantically, and who you choose to build intimate relationships with
  • Very loosely connected to gender and gender expression.

What are pronouns?

Pronouns are used to refer to a person in place of using that person’s name. In many languages, pronouns are used to signal formality and respect for people of higher family, professional, or social status, and informality and intimacy with people with whom we share closer, more intimate connections. Pronouns may be used to signal a person’s gender.

In English, the most common pronouns used to refer to someone in the third person are he/him/his, she/her/hers, and they/them/theirs. Many other sets of pronouns have been created or drawn from other languages. Some of those sets of pronouns include e/em/eir, xe/xem/xyr, ze/zie, hir/hir/hirs, and shkle/shkler/shklers. There are other pronoun options not listed here. Note, someone may not use pronouns at all and instead only use their name (see below). 

Using a set of pronouns
An individual may use a set of pronouns (more than one). For example, an individual could use the pronoun set “she/they,” which means you could refer to this person with the following pronouns: she/her/hers and they/them/theirs. Using more than one pronoun can: 1) be based on the situation, i.e. would an individual feel physically unsafe and/or uncomfortable if folks in the shared space knew this person used “she” and “they” pronouns; and 2) affirm an individual’s gender fluidity and expression, which operates outside the binary constructions of gender. Folks may be comfortable with you using their set of pronouns interchangeably or simultaneously; however, most often, sets of pronouns are not used at the same time. Ultimately, what someone is comfortable with is up to them.  

Using no pronouns (May be referred to as nullpronominal, nameself, pronounless)
An individual may not use pronouns at all and instead only use their name and/or initial. People may be nullpronomial for many reasons, including the rejection of traditional notions of gender, a lack of identification with any and all pronouns, etc. Again, what someone is comfortable with is up to them.

Why do pronouns matter?

The words we use to talk to and about a person can show that we respect, honor, and value that person. By using the correct pronouns to talk about someone, you show that you not only respect and value that person, but also that you respect the right of all people to be seen, valued, and respected.

As a general rule, it’s important to gently ask people what pronouns they use instead of assuming based on how a person looks, acts, or sounds. If someone uses a set of pronouns, it is important to know if they use one set in particular contexts versus another.

Learn more about pronouns and why they matter.

What is the difference between pronouns and "preferred" pronouns? 

Most often, individuals do not have a "preference" with their pronouns; they simply have pronouns. Using "preferred" as a qualifier can indicate that respecting someone's pronouns is optional.

To avoid the misconception that respecting someone's pronouns is optional, do not use "preferred" to describe pronouns. 

What if I mess up someone's pronouns and/or hear someone else mess up someone's pronouns?

If you accidentally use the wrong pronouns for someone, correct yourself, apologize, and move on. If you hear someone else use the wrong pronouns for someone, it may be appropriate to correct that person immediately, or to follow up privately with that person to make sure they know what pronouns to use.

Recognize that it is exhausting for trans and gender non-conforming folks to constantly have to correct those they are interacting with to ensure they are not misgendered. It is your responsibility to ensure that is not their reality. 

If I am cisgender (see definition above), do I still need to share my pronouns with others? 

Yes, for the following reasons:

1. Being misgendered isn’t just a “transgender problem.” Many cisgender people struggle with people using the wrong pronouns, and even if this isn’t a problem for you, it’s helpful to be clear about how you want people to talk about you.
2. Sharing your pronouns helps to raise awareness about what pronouns are and why they matter, and this is a chance to educate others.
3. Sharing your pronouns signals that you’re an ally to transgender and non-binary people and to people who struggle with having their identities affirmed by others.

Is it grammatically appropriate to use "they" as a singular pronoun?

YES. Using "they" as a singular pronoun has been used in literature dating back as far as the late 14th century. In fact, many respected citation standards approve of and encourage writers to use "they" to avoid making any assumptions of gender.

Review additional resources regarding the appropriateness of using they as a singular pronoun.